i no longer like the person i am becoming

another thank you, for making me feel so welcomed on the night before my departure.

and just a few days ago, i was actually excited about coming home.

is there a home anymore?

i love u... i dunno why i keep saying it; im sure if someone dissected my psyche, it probably has its roots in insecurity and inadequacy. but i love u, and i cant seem to convey enough of how i feel, in those three simple words.

people use this phrase all the time but i find it so wanting, its too simple, too plain... it doesnt begin to describe how i feel or how you make me feel when we're together. no, it doesnt even come close to explaining or transcribing what goes on inside of me... let alone encapsulate my concept of us.

the fact that i've never felt like this? been happy for a person the way i am for u when i see u smiling even if im not the reason? constantly wanting to hold and touch u, even as we're walking? the way i miss u and constantly thinking of u as much as i try not to?

your smile
your smell
your hair
your eyes
your laughter

you

i love you

i wish... i wish i could contain everything, and more, so much more
and
i wish there was a sparkling crystal ball able to hold it all, and not enuough