We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note .. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach,for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? It's like
camping.

found this on a forum board, it wouldnt be so funny if it werent all true

toni: if hating is the strength and from that one shall be strong, then yes... i am on my way indeed... fuck love, fuck parents, fuck the world, fuck every single one of them, i dont need anyone.

why should i need, why should i answer, why should i love, when it all brings me back to this point right now, writing this?

fuck the world, it rejects me as i have never truly lived in it

fuck love, it rejects me as much as i have loved in my quarter of a century.

fuck parents who use me as a vassal for their failures in lives

fuck friends who never appreciates and see, treating me like some disaposable, recyclable entity, coming to me only when they need.

tell me, why the fuck should i care about any of these, seriously. i have cared for so many years and lived for others in that time, it feels like the only time i have indulged and lived for myself is with the music and drugs.

fuck it all.

i hate my parents... they are the only ones who can make me feel like shit in the unique way progenitors do... expressing their disappointment in me for smoking and somehow, that has invalidated all their efforts in educating and bringing me up. they fail to realise the mental and phsical shape i am in, not having slept, stoned out, my life turned upside down... they dont care would be more accurate, all that matters is that i fit myself in with their perception of me and the world is fine. what is my life to them, except an extension of their egos and failed dreams.

right now... with the hate engendered in me, the anger at the world... i give in and relish in the hatred i feel for them, for making me feel the way i do, i dont care anymore, what do i owe them or the world when the world has rejected me and the person more important than this world and parents, doesnt care anymore?

why should i care?

i hate.

[24.07.2002|08:10] toni: but u were wallowing then, u weren't strong like this

drink up baby down
are you in or are you out?
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
these mess-ups
you bubble-wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so, let go
jump in
oh well, what you waiting for?
it's all right
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so, let go
just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
Ii's all right
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then advances with the form
so, honey, back for more
can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later
now you can wait
you roll your eyes
we've 20 seconds to comply

so, let go
jump in
oh well, what you waiting for?
it's al right
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so, let go
just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's all right
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

[frou frou - let go]

my own voices whispering thoughts i never had, emotions once held in check. the one thing i do understand, keeps repeating itself over and over, incessant, urgent; trying to inscribe itself into my grey matter, digging into the soft, wet organ, carving its own valley amidst the twisted grooves: "i dont need anyone". burning an indelible mark, smouldering with hatred.

hatred... not something im accustomed to, it sits there, not feeling anything, just a lump of nothing, void around it. i can feel my chest rising and falling with every breath, my heart beating and then, nothing, just this nothing, at the centre of me... i can only feel its persence by its absence.

i can feel anger, deep within, wanting to lash out at everyone, pushing everyone away and i stumble with my words, not knowing what to say to people, my eyes drift and darts, not connecting with anyone... i am an animal, hypnotised by this angry hatred within, like the headlights of an oncoming vehicle... i am caught in its thrall, helpless, consumed, driven.

i cant stop it... i can feel the walls closing me in and i cant stop it... torn, afraid, knowing it is for the better and no, no... no... i dont want it.

i hate the world, i hate the people around me, i hate my friends, every facial expression, every sentence, word, nuance, torn down and sifted, looking... looking for more reasons to push them away.

cos i dont need anyone.

i ask myself, who's the one who's changed... is it me, or is it u? have i changed because u did so? yes... that must be it, that must be why, i dont feel anything like home in me, just this cavity where u used to be.

perhaps it is some plan of yours? if so, yes, u've succeeded, i cant imagine ever having loved u. oh yes, succeeded indeed, i cant imagine having shared myself with u. a life? no, that cant be right... a future? really? have we ever contemplated that? did we ever sit under the stars, overlook the city lights and pour our hearts out? surly this wasnt real, surly... surly it must have meant something if it was, indeed, real. were we lovers, or just dreamers? was that a dream and is this a wake now?

have i felt the touch of your lips, have i stroked your face and brushed aside stray hair as u sleep? i recall that vaguely... i recall all that, and looking at your closed eyes, your nose flaring as u breathed.

no... this cant be right... i remember making love to someone with hunger in her eyes, i remember looking into her eyes as we fitted so perfectly snug together, oblivious to time, light moving across the floor, striping our bodies and then we slept, and we woke and loved more; looped... was that you? surly u jest, surly... it had to be someone else... no, not you.

i remember feeling... something so big; so great and grander than me, than the physical, my chest cant hold it in and i cant breathe... and i remember telling someone im trying to, but im sorry, i am so sorry, because i cannot tell u how it feels, i cannot explain this beauty and all i have were these three words:

i love you

and they are not enough, they could not begin to connote... how could they, when my heart cant even contain what i felt?

i remember feeling like that once... and it seems, it was just a prelude to this afterall. it seems that is the lesson... to change and not be the fool no more... dont feel, dont love, dont share. it is quite amazing how much power to hurt a person has, when he or she is loved; that i know now. and it seems its true too, an advice given in a time past... always hold a bit of yourself back.

never is too long and no...

every single time
we touch
u leave
me

dead.

every single time
u hurt me
all anew

every single time
u leave me
tears brimming

every single time
my heart stops
beating

how much more
of this
before
it ends?

every single time
u leave me
dead

it would be so much easier to hate u if i dont love u

twisted, funk, groove, breaks, beats, basslines... throw them into a bowl, pound them with a pestle, grind them with the twists of your wrist, spread out the paste...

...the space which the absence of sound occupies

where empty speaks volumes and all the itsy bitsy twisted beats in between and not, implied.

just sits there in the space they so distinctly occupy, weaving into the basslines, and aloof.

two masters at work, each doing his thing the only way he knows how to, two different sounds so distinctly individual and so comfortably at home coming out of the same set of speakers. it is a rare sight tonight, to bear witness to two djs with such amazing synery, so interchangably playing decks, another playing efx and more often than not, arms reaching across each other to add that touch of individuality to what the other is doing. the unspoken trust and communion between these two, the lack of ego, synergistic, symbiotic... they feed off each other like opposing twins in a womb, and we are privileged with a gestation which is greater than its parts, defined by the two and yet, wholly defiant of them.

the sounds take on a life of their own, teased, seduced, spat out of the speakers... sounds cohesive and yet, so interchangable, like building blocks of sound; taken from their rightful place, moved, shifted by the chunks and beats and placed into new slots of time stretched out...

...the space which the absence of sound occupies, sprinkled with beats and groove...

is where tyrant is at.

is it me or are people too caught up in their own little worlds to live? seems like the daily grind is getting everyone down and i am sure, one day sooner than later, i will be a victim too. it is somewhat depressing to see my friends turn into the drones they are now, chained at the ankle to huge iron balls of mediocrity. i think... i have had no cause to hate this place except seeing what it is turning my friends into.

a friend once quoted another person, saying "work decays the soul".

i beg to differ.

mundanity decays the soul.