...and here i am, back
in a place
homely but
not

its strange this time round... maybe i've been in singapore for too long... maybe the government there is broadcasting some subliminal frequencies to brainwash her people. im feeling much more domesticated now... i still want to go out to parties and right now, im listening to andy jarrod & mark diciristo - vapourized 3, so i know i still enjoy my music, but at the same time, im wary of putting myself in an environment where drugs is the norm.

im not saying im gonna quit the drugs, im sure one day i will, but not right now, and i know better to make any resolutions on that. but im so wary, im almost scared of being tempted. maybe i just need time to get back into the swing of things, get a feel, make peace with the drugs before i start exploring the uncharted human psyche again.

it would be nice, but deceiving, to think i can go out clean and have a fun time... yes i do enjoy the music and yes i would have a good time but it would never be as fun as it could be with the drugs. at the back of my mind, there will always be this nagging thought of how much better it can be. but as someone wrote recently on bluelight, its an artificial high, an artificial happiness and perhaps, that is the problem, its artificial. and perhaps what im experiencing is progress, as another member of bluelight puts it.

enough of this morose business.