stepping on the driveway
saying hi to my dog
burying my face in his fur
smelling him

stepping thru the door
feeling the cold hard floor
like
seeing my dad on the couch
reading

the tv
inane images
static
noise

... aroma wafting from the kitchen
dinnertime
soups
rice
dishes

to the table!

despair is hanging like tapestry in the air.
weaving itself thru
bringing suffocating, excruciating pain
undead.
i wish for the scythe of death upon my head.


u r not alone in ur distress
we r all trapped.

alone
confusedconfusedconfused
alone
dont wanna be

screamscreamscream
silent
:x

helphelphelp

pls

alone

orange
red
pink
magenta

wispy vistas
smokey tendrils

meltin
dissolvin

burn, burn, burn!

fire in the sky

...and here's to another day down the gutter

last night a dj saved my life

that's the title of a book... i kinda like the sound of it

the way music awakens me
the way it beats in my chest

i wished it would sustain my hearbeat

i wished i could live off music

i wished

[note: this post was triggered by bedrock 2 again, cd1 track6, bill hamel presents innate and andy moor - barotek (blackwatch threshold dub); tribal driving bassline u can ride on and just what is that damn metallic sound?!]

living, warm flesh i can hold
body scent uniquely mine to smell
a face mine to touch
hair to stroke

my lil meow meow

tired
but
dare
not
sleep

cos im missing

sharing the sun
sharing the air
sharing the laughter
sharing the hugs
sharing the lil kisses
sharing the world

wanting to breathe
wanting to smile
wanting to live

it was good to be away

but

im home

i maybe prince of stories, but i have no story of my own

i am, in my own fashion, an island

-paraphrased from memory, sandman issue 75, neil gaimen

Deception... all life is deception, for without deception few can face the cold impartiality of the universe or the fact that it will go on and we will die, never benefiting fully from what was or at all from what we have struggled to create, but striving against the darkness of self-deception. Yet... the struggle in itself has meaning because the universe exists. Merely existing, the universe lacks meaning, and only a deceptive being can bring meaning to the impartial fact of meaninglessness.

And, as I can, that is what i will do, knowing that we, or the ancients, have created a being that some call God. Our old dreams have been found wanting, even as we are more than gods, more than truth, for truth does not exist, never has. I will fail, and failing, will succeed. I will die, later or sooner, and what I understand will be lost, for when men and women seek truth, what they find is as deceptive as lies, and neither truth nor lies exist outside of a deceptive soul. -gravity dreams, l.e. modesitt, jr., 1999

looks like blogspot is still down... this is becoming quite irritating.

im listening to deep dish - yoshiesque 2 and everything sounds muffled... i think i've done permernant ear damage since thursday night... fuck

holy shit... thermobee and stratosphere - diminished responsibility is... diminishing the capacity for... my... brain... to... function

*2 days later when brain is functioning in limited capacity*

hmmm thermobee and stratosphere - diminished responsibility is the last track on bedrock 2... kinda left me hanging there... so much for the journey...

i always believed a mixed compilation or a dj set should bring the listener on the journey, and bring him/her home.

listening to jimmy van m - bedrock 2, finishing the last track on cd1, minimalistix - struggle for pleasure

one of those compilations that brings u on a journey... the smooth mixing, the subtle buildup that is so gradual b4 u realise what's going on, u find urself wearing out ur chair rocking in it ur body starts to move ur fingers starts to fly over the keyboard in response to the beat and beautiful tantalising soundscapes and u're off...

...to that place which only music can bring u to.

whoa... solid sessions - janeiro just came in on cd2...

bedrock 2 easily tops the must-have compilation for the month, havent been so thrilled with a compilation since gu19

[disclaimer: the author of this post is totally sober and straight as he typed this]


a young boy puts a feather into his mouth...... -jeff noon

apathy... what an insidious creature it is, it slimes, it oozes, it slithers into the dark recess of the little black room in your head and there it lurks... subtly poisoning your thoughts, your ideals, your emotions and before u know it, u're just sitting there, a drooling idiot.

alright, that might sound extreme, but it's quite amazing how apathy and procastination goes so well together.

[its all going down the drain]

[.spot on.] abt music-triggered euphoria
i like it when the music rushes thru my skin n explode from within. =)
cafe del mar - energy 52 just did that for me today whilst on a train to the city.

i closed my eyes and peaked.

i've been listening to some "old" music the past few days... compiling a Global Underground "sound bank", all the GU compilations ever released. it's like going back in time, tracing my roots. i can still picture my frens and i in the car, waiting for another fren, HDB blocks looming above us, streetlamps ... and there we were in the still of the night, totally enraptured by nalin and kane - beachball (gu03 cd1 track2), the sound of the seagulls and the singer's voice... back then, we had affectionately nicknamed it "the seagull track".


memory is the greatest trigger for euphoria, its a natural high so personal and so poignant, it overwhelms any chemically-induced state of consciousness.


two other tracks i've re-discovered:

dj saskin and friends - protect your mind (van bellen mix) (van bellen has to be the master of mellow breakdowns heh also check out his newer remixes, breeder - new york fm, sugargliders - slow motion)

jark prongo - movin' thru your system (vocal-driven track with a bassline that just washes over u like a tsunami n keeps u movin' and movin'... and movin')


im sure i had another track in mind but its gone for the moment...


a young boy puts a feather into his mouth...... -jeff noon


ps. note to self, i have got to figure out how to include a signature

nobody's an island
everyone has to go
.everyday ramblings.

*bows to O great master of rams and hdd*
i am -- no more. i am ~galadriel~ making her sleep deprived presence felt on the blogger.
rite. i need sleep. btw. this is a tiny relevation of my moments of insanity.

alright, this will be the last post for the night responding to --'s post abt the nickname ;P

anyone here read jeff noon? im a big fan and read just about all his books(vurt, pollen, nymphomation, pixel juice, needle in the groove, automated alice, etc), except for two, one of which is titled "cobralingus".
so there i was on the public bus reading "vurt" (which i borrowed from the library), flipped the page and found a marijuana leaf nicely pressed like someone had been using it as a bookmark. maybe its no big deal coming across that here(australia), but "Oceania" would best describe the place im from

incidentally, "vurt" is the name of a virtual drug in the book and is ingested by licking a coloured feather.

and "vurtomatic", i coined

this is taken from the Bluelight forum board which i am a member of.


a young boy puts a feather into his mouth...... -jeff noon